Movies have been a HUGE part of my life for decades. I've worked in theatres and video stores for over 30 years. Here's what I like and why I like it.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Camp Redemption - 10 Lucky Passes for 10 Unlucky Campers (Part 2 of 2)



When we were last together, I had laid out my plan: Go through all twelve of the FRIDAY THE 13TH films (including the remake and FREDDY VS JASON) and find the ten people that I deemed most worthy of a second chance.  Whether they had charisma, name recognition, too little screen time, or just a really REALLY unfair kill scene, each of my final list members would be the ones that I would bring back for a FRIDAY THE 13TH reality show (well, the losers show.  We'd have a second show for all of the final girls and final guys.  'Nother time, folks!)

You can read the first part of the article by clicking here, or just by scrolling down.   Don't be lazy.... go do it.  I'll wait.  Seriously... I have a pizza in the microwave (with bacon bits!).   I have the time.  Go!  (Seriously don't scroll down.... by doing that you'll spoil the list of 10.  Click that link up there).




Okay, before I give my list, a few ground rules:

1. My list, my rules.
2. That's it for rules.

You'll have your chance to respond at the end, and I'm even gonna offer a prize for the best participant.  No shit.

Without any further ado, let's get it on with:

These will be in no particular order, so don't take them as a ranking.   We don't have to rank EVERYTHING, do we?





10. DEMON - FRIDAY THE 13TH V - A NEW BEGINNING

Criteria:
* Very short introduction in almost the third act; obvious added fodder to build body count.

* Miguel Nunez is an actor who has done some nice comic work in the years since his kill; and has even had leads in films such as JUWANNA MANN.   Much more accomplished and polished than most of his NEW BEGINNING cast mates.

* No one should EVER have to get killed on the shitter.

* Co-lead singer on the FRIDAY series' single best song.... "Oooh baby, heyy baby... heyyy baby, ooh baby."   This song should have been allowed to run the full twenty seven minutes it needed.




9.  SARA - FRIDAY THE 13TH A FINAL CHAPTER

CRITERIA:

* Absolutely feels like a "final girl" when first introduced.  Virginal next door type.   Very shocked when she went down, even after they introduced Kimberly Beck next door.

* Full disclosure - High school me had a HUGE crush on this actress when I first saw the film.   My list, my rules.




8. SISSY - JASON LIVES

CRITERIA:

* Likable casts in the FRIDAY series are going to produce results here.  I already put Cort in the Honorable Mention and I could have added more (Paula, Horshack, the lady who tries to use the credit card...) without hesitation.  Sissy gets the slight nod over all of them... but maybe not over EVERYONE in the cast (hint?)

* Sissy is bubbly, fun, does nothing negative and seems to be a good friend to final girl, Megan.

* Sissy also gets a pretty mean-spirited (although well, um... executed) kill gag.




7.  CRAZY RALPH - FRIDAY THE 13TH 1 AND 2

Criteria:

* Ralph runs onto the list from out of left field.   Yes, he made it to a second film.  Yes, he's tragically one note.  Yes, his shirt collar is tattered to all hell....

*...but think of the ENTIRE series (including space!) with a Crazy Ralph cameo.   Every cast does the same dumb ass things.  Every cast makes the same dumb mistakes.  Every cast doesn't understand that going to Camp Crystal Lake is a DUMB FUCKING IDEA.  So why not have Ralph be there in EVERY movie to tell them they are all going to die?   It's not like they are going to listen and go home.

* Or... by the time JASON LIVES rolls around, the likable cast DOES listen to Ralph and DOES go home.  Or gets in Cort's RV and heads to the beach.   The possibilities are endless.   Let em' have it, Ralph!







6. GIBB - FREDDY VS JASON

CRITERIA:

* It's Katharine Isabelle.  She's making my list any time she qualifies for a list I'm making.   Damnit if you guys keep forgetting-- my list, my rules.

* Cute girls in baseball caps are almost automatic entries.

* On a serious note, this may be the biggest bullshit kill in the series.  Am I reading this right?  A girl, who just lost her boyfriend, decides to wash away her sorrows with alcohol at a cornfield rave.   She passes out and goes into Freddy's dream land.   At the same time, some fat fuck gets on top of her in the corn field and may/may not be getting ready to rape her.   While she's having the Freddy nightmare AND while she's got a guy on top of her against her will, Jason comes through the cornfield and impales her (as well as said fat fuck).   I have the most fun with almost every kill in the entire series, but this one almost made this topic un-fun.  I call foul.



5. BRODSKI - JASON X

CRITERIA:

* Back to fun on the list - Brodski's my favorite badass in the series.  Forget Tommy Jarvis.  Forget Tina the Mind Control loser.   And Julius from JASON TAKES MANHATTAN only went one round with Jason, so he's out, too.   You tell me that every film has Brodski trying to kill Jason RIGHT after Crazy Ralph shows up to tell the cast they are going to die.  At least give me a damn JASON VS BRODSKI follow-up.

* Love his lines when he finally meets his demise.

(After being stabbed by Jason):  “It’s going to take more than one poke in the ribs to put down this old dog,” 

(Jason skewers him a 2nd time):  “Yep... that oughtta do it.”

AND THEN HE STILL COMES BACK TO LIFE!  (Where he continues to survive until he grabs Jason, flies into space and supposedly burns up on re-entry to Earth.)

CLASSIC!  Give Brodski a 3 picture deal and let's get shooting!

(Shit-- is Brodski even dead????)




4. SHERIFF GARRIS - JASON LIVES

CRITERIA: 

*  He makes one big mistake.  He doesn't believe Tommy Jarvis.  If he just sorta believes him with an ounce of necessary skepticism, or even does more thorough investigating, who knows how many of JASON LIVES' characters see another day?   After that, he does the decent things, the noble things.

* He obviously loves his daughter, Megan, and will do anything to protect her.

* He makes the noble sacrifice at the campground to protect the children.

* Although bull-headed about Tommy's story, Garris is probably the least cartoonish and most professional law enforcement officer the entire series sees.   (Maybe Sheriff Landis from JASON GOES TO HELL and Sgt. Tierney from the original.  And that's it.)




3. VIOLET - A NEW BEGINNING

CRITERIA:

* No way Violet doesn't make the list.  I think she's only grown in popularity since the film came out.   She's used in gifs everywhere.   How many girls in the entire series have been anything more than cookie-cutter in their looks.

* Seriously, do I need any more reason than this, anyways?




If Violet doesn't make your list, you're not trying.




2. JIMMY - FINAL CHAPTER

CRITERIA:

* Noooooo freakin' way Jimmy doesn't make the list.  There was 0.0% shot he doesn't end up here.  Don't even attempt to argue it.

* Much like "It's Katharine Isabelle," this one is, "It's Crispin Glover."  Every scene that Glover would have been in past his death would have been interesting at the very least.

* Turns out he's not a dead fuck.

* "Ted...hey, Ted... where the hell's the corkscrew???"







1. JASON VOORHEES - FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980)

BOOM.  Mic Drop.

CRITERIA:

* You want to talk unfair death?  I've got your unfair death right here:

Young boy with special needs drowns at summer camp while two asshole snotty camp counselors run off to make out.   His mother, who works hard at the camp to support her AND her young son, finds out her son has died in an accident and it mentally scars her for life.   If we heard this story in real life, we'd all be crying.

And yet.... Jason's the fuckin' bad guy.  Shame on all of us.

Young Voorhees is the PERFECT recipient of this second chance.  He didn't have sex or do drugs or act like a jerk or go into the woods alone or anything.  He was a damn child who got dealt a shitty hand.   Let's rectify that now.

Oh, what is it you say?   If Jason ends up being saved, he doesn't get all mangled up and pissed off, and he never comes back to kill all of the other counselors and none of the other films ever happen?   

Fine.   Bitch all you want.  I'm taking Jason to Walt Disney World and buying him some funnel cake.




My list, my rules.


Okay, that's my ten.  Love it, hate it, set it on fire.  Do what you need to.... but also do THIS.

Let's make this an even dozen.  I will be accepting two characters to add to CAMP REDEMPTION.   Use the comments section below, or better yet, go to Twitter (I'm at @worldbtweethttps://twitter.com/WorldBTweet and give me:

1.  Who you want to save
2.  A brief reason as to why they deserve to get a 2nd chance.


I'll take the best ones and we'll put it to a vote here.   The one with the most votes will receive their choice of either:

(Yes, I have prizes!!!)

1. THE MAKING OF FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE LEGEND OF CAMP BLOOD by David Grove - a used copy, but over 430 pages of behind the scenes stories and pictures of the entire series (through FREDDY VS JASON).



OR:

2. Your choice of any 2 (two) of these used blu-rays:




2nd Place vote-getter gets whatever prize isn't claimed (or can pick 2 of the leftover blu's instead of the book if so desired-- I'm cleaning out space.)

* I'll need a shipping address to send the prizes, so if you feel hesitant about giving that out, you can still send your character choices just for fun. 

* If you put your character in the comments section, either give me a Twitter account handle or email address to contact you if you win.

* If you want to play for the prize, just add a $$$ to your comment or tweet.

* I'll take entries until October 1st then post the best ones for voting.

* Any questions about the contest, don't hesitate to contact me.  It's for fun, but I want anyone who wants to play to have a fair chance with it.


So, get crackin'..... WHO GETS TO LIVE????



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